Atypical Transgender Late Bloomer

I lived a "normal American" life for decades. Married to a pretty girl, proud of my two kids, own my house. My wife and I had a great sex life, with perhaps more than average frequency. When I was 58 and in therapy I remembered being raped by a priest many times. I also remember getting aroused once when he was saying Mass. I remember a boy in 7th grade, and a boy in 8th grade. A few young men in the Navy. My father had explained the world to me. He said, Get out of the Navy with an Honorable Discharge. Take the civil service test (to be a policeman), you'll get 5 bonus points. Marry a girl and get on with life- and that's just what I did. I suppressed the memory of the priest. I suppressed the memory of the boys and men. And then when I was 58, all the locked boxes in my memory opened up. Finding new facts about your youth leaves you questioning the certainty of your self-knowledge, of your personal view of who you are. Am I straight? 30-plus years of hetero ma...

Superb article in the NYTimes: Sigrid Johnson was Black. A DNA Test Said she Wasn't . You should read the article rather than my slap-dash summary of it. Sigrid grew up a black girl in Philly. Everything was as it seems. She did have a lighter skin-tone; she'd been told she had a mixed-race ancestor. No big deal. She later learned that she'd been adopted. Now she wasn't so sure of her identity. Consumer genetic testing came available. She submitted a sample and waited for the results. She was shocked; more European than African. Could she have been Italian all these years? She learned that genetic testing becomes more accurate when more people do it, and in fact a lot more people did it. She received updates on her analysis, based on the new data. Now she was more African than European. They said, click here if you'd like to be informed of other people with nearly-matching DNA. Pop, pop, pop went the system. She was notified of siblings, half-siblings, and ...

I've had a prescription for Xanax for anxiety for about two years; 1mg pills, as needed, up to four times a day. It's never really done much for me. One pill produces no discernable change. Two does chill me out. The story goes that most of the news stories about erratic airline passengers causing flights to deviate are mostly nervous flyers to take a Xanax and then forget about it and take a drink on board. So basically, the Xanax was not helpful / effective for me I've just switched to Klonopin , 1mg pills, as needed, up to four times a day. WOW. Big difference. I can see why there's warnings about this stuff being habit-forming. I felt more relaxed, even more myself, than I have in several years. Nothing is lower fidelity than the internet. IANAD. This article asserts that Xanax is not quite as strong as Klonopin. Klonopin is cheaper (in fact, free with my health insurance).

The number three honcho at the Vatican, Cardinal Pell, has been convicted of abusing two choir boys. The trial took place under a very effective news blackout and was dubbed "the cathedral trial" in the press because of the location of the abuse. No sentencing info is available. Cardinal George Pell 's official assignment is Vatican Prefect for the Secretariat of the Economy. He is the most senior catholic cleric to face criminal trial for sexual crimes. In another trial due in 2019, Pell will also be tried in Australia on charges that he abused two other boys at a swimming pool, in what is known as "the swimming trial". Editorial note: Eventually, the church is going to have to pay attention to this.

A really powerful piece from the Post Gazette, Hiding Behind God, on three young victims of Priest Anthony Cipolla . Story by Sean D. Hamill, visuals by Andrew Rush. Kudos to all. Parenthetically, this follows on the NYTimes format of " Snow Fall " and is a parallax site, which is increasingly being used by newspapers to demonstrate the capabilities of a web-intermediated news presentation. The PG's article is a terrible story told very well and the video of the victim/survivor walking through the scene of the crime was compelling. I appreciate Mr. Bendig's use of the word "rape" rather than "abuse", I think it's the most concise term that doesn't lapse into euphemism. More from the PG: Names of Priests Redacted from Grand Jury Report . I am glad to live in a country where the accused and the minority have rights. I'd have rather had the names published. I really appreciated Attorney General Shapiro's facebook post exhorting...

Months ago, I called the Diocese to report my abuse by the priest. They told me that somebody would get in touch with me. Somebody else called back, and I gave them a lengthy statement over the phone. This week, an investigator was sent to my house (with my permission) to interview me about my accusation. I think I kept my composure in the days leading up to the interview, but I was definitely a bit nervous. The investigator, a retired police detective, was very professional. He led the interview, asked follow-up questions, and drilled down for details. He asked about a lot of things using a very direct word set, nothing left to euphemism. I had prepared some timelines, and some documents that attested to my being in certain places at certain times. He took copies of everything. He wasn't confrontational. He was thorough and effective, and when we were done I felt like I'd been through a wringer but I also felt I'd been treated fairly. I hope my report makes it into t...

October 10 is World Mental Health Day (WMHD) (see U.N. , wiki .) We really don't have a mental health program in the United States. Like some other conditions, people with mental health problems are stigmatized and ostracized. Most people don't know what to do with a mentally ill person; we don't have common gradations between mildly affected and dangerous, violent sociopaths. The police definitely don't know what to do with a person who's mentally ill; they often shoot them. I have mental health issues, which is a rather indirect phrase; I am mentally ill. I have a lot of things wrong with me. Unlike some, I'm able to pass as mentally typical. In other words, I seem about as normal as your average Joe flying a Confederate flag. But I am not mentally normal. In my life, people who know my situation have been good to me. An untrained person probably can't tell by looking at me. In an America filled with exceptionalism, fetishized boot-strapping, and...

I've had a curious Google experience. I keep notes, calendars, and files on Google systems. I use Google docs, a Google browser, and some Google cloud services. My neurologist tells me I have Parkinson's. So I've done some searching, made some notes, made some appointments. Then I went to Google news. Saw a compelling advertisement, starting with a man (of my age) in a dimly lit room, talking about the things I'm interested in. Even more: talking about the things I'm afraid of. The banner ad shifts, and authoritatively tells us that hallucinations and delusions can be part of Parkinson's. Finally: clarity! The ad shifts again. The text goes away, we see bright light through the shaded window, we see a spouse/caregiver looking concerned and moving in. Hey look, it's not just him! There are more caring people involved! I bet he's only thinking of himself. Also, note that about half the panel is dark space. There's mystery and monsters here. ...

This is, by theme, my Mental Health Blog. Sometimes, physical health affects mental health. Current advances in neurology make it difficult to separate exactly what's mental and what's physical. Thursday I got the word to add early Parkinson's Disease to my list of physical issues. My symptoms are beginning with cogwheel rigidity of the left hand, thank you very much. My neurologist made the call, and I think he is a rock star. This is such a pain in the ass. I am exactly at the mean age of onset. Smokers face a reduced risk of Parkinson's! I should have smoked. Mortality is 7 to 14 years, with the last three years spent in relative incapacitation. I don't mind dying, I really don't. I do mind not being able to ride a bike. I mind being dependent on the care of others. Possible a CatTrike recumbent trike will get me another year. My physical health issues include: Type 2 Insulin Dependent Diabetes High Blood Pressure Seizure Disorder Parkinson's Di...