About
My psychologist would say I have C-PTSD due to trauma (rapes, beatings) and sexual orientation issues.
I do a lot of dissociation and have amnesia re events. I have anhedonia.
My psychiatrist would say I have major depresssion with anxiety and mild features of psychosis. (I hallucinate.)
Mind-wise, I'm prescribed Cymbalta (an SNRI), Bupropion (an NDRI), Seroquel (an antipsychotic), and Xanax (a benzodiazepine).
My endocrinologist would say I have Type2 Diabetes, and I'm on three meds for that.
My physician would say I have high blood pressure, and I'm on two meds for that.
I remember things now that I couldn't remember before. I've cross-checked some of them, and others confirm the details.
I realized at 58 years old that I've been doing this wrong since I was 2 ½. I grieve five decades of lost opportunities.
I was suicidal for most of 2017. That seems to have passed.
I've been married to a good woman for over 30 years. I now understand that I'm (at least partially) gay / bisexual.
My father beat me seriously from 2½ on. I have no memory of him ever hitting me. I do remember three times when he didn't hit me, and it was remarkable. I do remember him locking me up in a cell, but I don't remember what I did to deserve it.
My parish priest raped me for three years: 9, 10, and 11 years old. I don't believe in the church or priests or anything they're selling.
I ended up in a career field that rewarded dissociation so I thought it was a strength, not a bug.
Now I have two or three appointments a week with my various healers. I don't see how a person working a normal work schedule could do that.