Atypical Trans Late Bloomer

I had the plans and procedures figured out. I'd told some people I was thinking about it, and each conversation ended with "promise you'll call me" and I'd say "of course", which is like the most consistently told lie in the universe. I had motive, method, and opportunity; I'd done a shallow practice run; it would seem like an accident; it was irrevocable. And then TM went and fucked me and convinced me not to do it, and he didn't even mean to. TM's in a similar life-situation to me, if you paint with broad strokes: same age, retired from the same field, kind of in the wind. He does have a few kids, who each have a few kids, and so he has Grandchildren where I do not. His most recent grandchild was born with a seriously bad condition. The baby ended up living in the hospital for more than 90 days. There were times when longevity was in question. So the mom & dad are rotating between the two kids at home, working, and standing watch wi

I've encountered a new symptom in the last few days. I've seen depression, fatigue, ennui, apathy, and suicide but these last few days I've seen something new: bewilderment. I am bewildered at the world, at the dynamics around me, at the choices available. And what does that word mean, anyway? I should check it before I hang my hat on it. Be-wildered be thoroughly wilder to go astray or to be led into the 'wilderness' I have a sense of how to handle bewilderment, or any distraught emotion phase: avoid making big decisions, stay close to friends, avoid extremes, drink water and eat; in other words, press pause on the normal functions of life and wait until the issue passes. I'm not sure that waiting and pausing in my case will outlast the phenomenon.

This story is about a woman who was about to jump off a Pittsburgh bridge until she was restrained by strangers. This story tells about the suicide of 23-year-old video performer.

I had an email from a good friend who's an outdoorsman, telling me that REI was running 50% off on kpersonal locator beacons . They are cool devices and do deliver a benefit. I said to him, without thinking (of course) This is great! If you were going to kill yourself, you'd give somebody access to your userid/account and then there's a ground track of where you've been, so when they realize you're overdue they can look it up and find your body and effects. It scares friends when you tell them things like that, and they know what you're dealing with.

This Sweet Old World Lucinda Williams Emmy Lou Harris, w/ Neil Young Don't Try Suicide Queen It's a Sin Pet Shop Boys Not Today Twenty One Pilots