Atypical Trans Late Bloomer

I am transitioning, Male To Female. I am not rushing it. I am steadily moving from one pole of the circus tent to the other pole, moving along the high wire; Perhaps I'm seeking some place in between; perhaps to a point mostly closer to the femme side. You could say my goal is to be nongender, or gender non-conforming (GNC), or trans-femme. The pigeon holes are not helpful when we use them to force people into pre-determined boxes, but they are useful to communicate concepts and categories, and to provide a word to convey a situation. (As Whorf says, you can't discuss something, you can't even think about something, unless you have a word about it). I am being brave. I am frightened. I am scared of the mob turning on me, I am scared of violence that might be done to me, I am scared of the remote little town I live in with too many guns and too many Trump loyalists. I am scared of messing up my kid's heads. I am scared of dying without being myself. I will b

A few days ago I did a thing where I fainted / passed out, twirled around in the tiny kitchen I was standing in, and collapsed while spinning and hitting my head on a few surfaces and the floor. Lots of blood. 11 stitches. Oh but the next day, the colorful shiner I had between my eye and my eyebrow! Mostly purple with streaks of irridescent blue. I wish I could do eyeshadow like that. Art rarely improves upon nature.