Atypical Transgender Late Bloomer

The House of Representatives has passed a Big Beautiful Bill that will, among other things, prevent HRT treatment for all minors, and prevent all HRT treatments for adults on Medicare and Medicade in 2027. Other insurance companies follow the Medicade/ Medicare lead in what they conver. Effectively, if the Senate concurs ( and I don't see any data suggesting the Senate wont concur , I'm cut off of HRT in 2027 unless I move to a state whose constitution guarantees it (Massachusetts, Rhode Island). THese rat bastards. There's research indicated this will push more Trans people into suicide. They government doesn't care. And let me suggest: the R's don't care AND the D's don't care. Show me what the Dem's have done to protext trans people. It's not there. Data, statistics say this will increase suicides. Thanks, pro-lifers.

Born Jamie Shoupe, and later named Elisa Rae Shupe , is America's first non-binary citizen. Joined the military after high school. Shupe retired in 2000 as a sergeant first class with a number of military decorations; they earned two Meritorious Service Medals, four Army Commendation Medals and eight Army Achievement Medals. After their discharge they moved to Pittsburgh. In 2016 they petitioned the courts for a non-binary designation and received it, the first person in the US to do so. Shupe died by suicide at a Veterans Affairs hospital building in Syracuse, New York. Her body was wrapped in a transgender flag.

I checked into a hospital in the South for a full knee replacement. It was a well run facility with a good reputation. They asked me about my gender identification. I said, genderqueer. I have not wanted to mess up my medical records with multiple name fields. Someday, I'll do them all at once. They did ask the Depression/ Suicide protocol questions. I told them the truth. Yes, I think about suicide. Yes, every day. No, I don't have a date or method in mind. Yes, I have a weapon in my home. Man, they did not like that. I think they were more worried about their institution than about me. I get that, but: don't ask the question if you don't want the answer. They wanted to assign a person as my suicide watch. I really objected to that as intrusive. In the end, they blinked. I told them, nobody whose about to kill themselves puts up with a knee replacement. It's a lot of short-term pain for long-term gain. That's not suicide thinking. I realised that telling ...

The nature of life is torment; a struggle between need, want, and have- first for ourselves, then our progeny We tie ourselves in knots and wed Then children lock us into needs beyond our time and reach It seemed like a good idea at the time Reach one level, then Maslov beckons Or Kohlberg's stages tease. Learn, experience, come to know and do. Then: unlearn, try to repair harsh lessons Rat on a treadmill; rest is an illusion Drugs make time go away, not pain Oh to find a steady lasting calm Repair the damage done along the way, Associate today's tugs at heartstrings with the things done to you back then Recognize that what you called 'yourself' was a pastiche of survival techniques, a bag of pathologies and hidden scars Suspect you don't have a 'self' like the others do, just a bag of tricks that till now, has seen you through Worry about your children, what this life holds for them Worry about myself will I never find a pla...

On Jan. 6th, Ruth Graham (twitter @publicroad) tweeted in reponse to Charlie Camosy (twitter @ccamosy), an ardent Catholic and opponent to assisted suicide. This week brings a post in Aeon, What would you choose for a good death? postulates that a business opportunity might lie in helping people to die: consider a trendy boutique called Designer Endings , which will help you to stage your death event just like one might plan a wedding, and with a similar blizzard of options: a small event in the home with just a few friends and a quick transition, or a major event on a beach where the client feels a euphoric glow for hours before transpiring. The article talks about Capitalism having a penchant for making a business out of what was once free; why is dying free? Can't we offer an enhanced experience for those able to afford it? Can we bundle the dying with the funeral? I myself have considered a semi-assisted suicide startup. One problem with suicide is that, generally, somebo...

You have trauma, said the fortune cookie You may never get past it, especially at your age (62) I am fortunate to have good helpers. Each one a specialist, each working their zone. They treat the parts, not the whole Depression gets Cymbalta Anxiety gets Klonopin Mild Psychosis gets Keppra I locked up memories and buried them deep. Eventually they surfaced, like rocks in a farmer’s field, like ordinance in Germany. I could not allow myself to remember I’d been raped by the priest Nineteen times, my Stations of the Cross. Later, I could not allow myself to remember I sought out men when I was young. What a thing to lock away, to bury, to un-remember. I wish it had stayed buried. The therapists open the boxes in your head without knowing what’s in there; Pandora’s Box without hope. I’m not sure it’s ethical. Thirty-five years ago, blissfully compartmentalized, I married a girl. Three years ago, the memories burst out with explosive surprises. I don’t...

From The Altantic, a French artist's explanation of his mental health, his experience with the mental health system, and a St. Ex story that forestalls his suicide, one day at a time: This resonates with me. I am also continuing to the next big rock. References: The Instinct to Heal , by David Servan-Schrieber (who founded UPMC's Centre for Integrative Medicine in Pittsburgh ) Wind, Sand, and Stars by Antoine St. Exupury

First, we have from Slate: Just because you're Suicidal doesn't mean you're mentally ill" , a rational examination of the question of suicide. I believe we should treat suicide somewhat like we treat guns and abortion: a 30-day waiting period, a clinic to go to, and either self-administered or assisted suicide for those unable to do the act themselves due to disability (no hands, for instance). It would solve a lot of problems. Primarily to me, it would solve the problem of a suicide's body left for some poor unwilling participant to find, to haul out of the river, to cut down out of the noose, to see the body with the head shot off. The family members called to some obscure location because their loved one's car was discovered in the river - we subject the Finders and the Survivors to life-long trauma because we have no place to go do what we need. We need a way to do this without harming others. Second, we see the pope has defrocked a cardinal charged wi...

I'm an "Insulin Dependent Type2 Diabetic". I've been Type2 for at least 20 years. This last year, my blood sugar numbers moved up to a different plateau which is a bad thing. My endocrinologist says, my pancreas function is degrading and it's time to start on insulin. I hate this. I hate the process, the equipment involved, the awareness load, my impression that this is a step closer to the grave. I've been using two types of slow-acting (time release), pen-injected insulin. One is once a week, one is daily. The after-insurance cost of my daily insulin went up $480/month in August, so I called my insurance company and they recommended another version, my doctor agreed with it, and the new version's after-insurance cost is $160/month. The weekly insulin went up $873 (after insurance) in August. I couldn't find a workaround, so I spoke with my doctor who gave me two month's supply from their manufacturer's samples. I'm going to milk that ...

July 17, 2018: Hazmat team called to apparent suicide in Brush Creek Park also https://beavercountyradio.com/news/brush-creek-park-suicide/ .                              NORTH SEWICKLEY TWP. — A hazmat team was called Monday afternoon to Brush Creek Park when a deceased man was found seated in a parked car with two tanks of helium in the passenger seat, police said. North Sewickley Township Police Chief Jeff Becze said emergency responders were called at about 3:15 p.m. when a park employee found the car and noticed the man inside. The deceased man was identified as Cory J. Rust, 20, of Rochester. July 29, 2018: (not a suicide) Man, 25, dies after three jump into Mon River from Hot Metal Bridge                            A 25-year-old Pittsburgh man died Sunday night after three men ...

I recommend Hegemonic Sanity and Suicide by Jess Stohlmann-Rainey, which examines the good/bad categorization of suicide survivors, the bio-medical/ criminal paradigms of suicide, the failure of hospitalization programs to address suicide beyond short-term delays, and the hegemony of "sane" culture. Good reading.

I had a curious brush with suicide. I'd been quite suicidal in 2017, and then an experience with my friend TM pulled me out of that. I still think of it often and easily put it aside, and I would have said that I wasn't at risk for suicide any longer. I was in a marriage-therapy session and my spouse said somethings that I went off in response to. The state of where we left things was simply unacceptable to me, I couldn't tolerate the situation, and when we got out of the room and I was waiting in the common space for my spouse to use the bathroom, I said to myself (I heard the words in my head): "Well this is no good, I can't go on like this, time to kill myself" Walking out of the office suite I decided: end of the hall, staircast, throw myself down the stairs to the ground floor and that was my exact intention. Got to the top of the stairs, walked directly to the edge, and realized: there was no way between the landings and the layout that I was going ...

A woman in her 50's named Kate Spade died this week. Survived by a minor child and her husband, she had a successful career in the fashion industry. That would have been sufficient. Unfortunately, the suicide of a prominent person is treated with sensationalism rather than discretion. The science that says publicized suicides can/will produce additional deaths is ignored in the pursuit of clicks and sales. First we're told she's killed herself, and how she took her life. Then we're told her marriage was problematic next we see comments by a sister and a brother-in-law, comments that probably weren't perfect for publication then the 13-year old daughter is brought in Then some details of the marriage - they'd been living apart for ten months, but not discussing divorce the note was teased: Bea, this wasn't your fault, ask your Dad The NYTimes went on to describe her product line in terms of class signifiers, eloquently discussed here , reducing the death ...

Sometimes I remember things that I've forgotten or suppressed. Today I remembered: On the evening news (Channel 7, ABC) Roger Grimsby talked about how people can report child abuse by calling the operator. That was just a setup. I was in our house on East 48th, it was daytime, and I sneaked into my parent's bedroom to use their phone. I was young, and this may have been the first phone call I made. It was a rotary phone. I called the operator. I remember how long it took for the dial to rotate through all the digits. "Operator" . I told her, I wanted to report my father for child abuse . She asked a question and I said, he hits me a lot . Then I heard my father come on the line, using the kitchen phone. He was a shift-worker; my mother was out. He said, who's on this phone? I said, I am. That was an insufficient answer because he said, Who are you talking to? The operator identified herself. Over the phone line my father asked, what are you calling t...

I had the plans and procedures figured out. I'd told some people I was thinking about it, and each conversation ended with "promise you'll call me" and I'd say "of course", which is like the most consistently told lie in the universe. I had motive, method, and opportunity; I'd done a shallow practice run; it would seem like an accident; it was irrevocable. And then TM went and fucked me and convinced me not to do it, and he didn't even mean to. TM's in a similar life-situation to me, if you paint with broad strokes: same age, retired from the same field, kind of in the wind. He does have a few kids, who each have a few kids, and so he has Grandchildren where I do not. His most recent grandchild was born with a seriously bad condition. The baby ended up living in the hospital for more than 90 days. There were times when longevity was in question. So the mom & dad are rotating between the two kids at home, working, and standing watch wi...

This post is dated 2016 and written in 2022. I had a good life. A lucky child. I was a veteran. I married a pretty girl. We raised ideal children, both high school valedictorians. Now one's a PhD and the other's got her Master's. I had some modest financial success; I could pay my bills, we had health insurance, when my family needed something I could pay for it. When I was 58 years old in 2016, it all collapsed. It had started to collapse five years before, in 2011 when I was 53. My wife insisted on couple's counseling, and each of the several counselors we saw told me that I had too much going on myself yo be effective in couples counseling without first graplling with individial counseling. It turns out, from the age of 2.5 years I was beaten, viscously and regularly, but my father who would have been about 28 years told at the time. He was a timekeeper at Domino Sugar in Brooklyn when I was born (it's on my borth certificate) and got a job as a police offic...