The Nature of Life is Torment

The nature of life is torment;
a struggle between need, want, and have-
first for ourselves, then our progeny

We tie ourselves in knots and wed
Then children lock us into needs
beyond our time and reach

It seemed like a good idea at the time
Reach one level, then Maslov beckons
Or Kohlberg's stages tease.

Learn, experience, come to know and do.
Then: unlearn, try to repair harsh lessons

Rat on a treadmill; rest is an illusion
Drugs make time go away, not pain
Oh to find a steady lasting calm

Repair the damage done along the way,
Associate today's tugs at heartstrings
with the things done to you back then

Recognize that what you called 'yourself'
was a pastiche of survival techniques,
a bag of pathologies and hidden scars

Suspect you don't have a 'self'
like the others do, just a bag of tricks
that till now, has seen you through

Worry about your children,
what this life holds for them

Worry about myself
will I never find a place to belong

I wish the heart tugs would end
I wish the channel could stop
I wish to find oblivion on my way

How sweet to find curcease
of my own anguish and pain

Selfish to want to leave my babies
Without helping them again

How do I unbundle my strife,
my duties, my torment?