An Accident at Dam Four

There are imperfect and sloppy suicides; there are effective and efficient suicides. What sets the two apart? If you're going to manage a successful suicide, what are the criteria? I mean, it happens often enough. We can tell A+ suicides from D- suicides. Let's take a first attempt at judging them by the outcomes:

• Death achieved; no secondary injuries; nobody else traumatized; your children and dependants believe it was an accident. The body is found and identified. It's the suicide wrapped up as a tragedy, with success ranging from complete acceptance of the death as an accident, to uncertainty but the tragedy is sufficiently believable to comfort the survivors.
• Death achieved. No secondary injuries. Others are traumatized. The event is perceived as suicide. You might be missing before the body is found and identified.
• Death achieved at the expense of others (suicide by cop, suicide by driver). Events seen as suicide.
• Death achieved with notorious violence. See Budd Dwyer; shotgun in the mouth; people on the scene are traumatized; childen recognize suicide.
• Death not achieved, but significant injury. Self-immolation that's extinguished; drugs that are pumped out, leaving you in a wheelchair dribbling oatmeal on your hospital gown. No plausible deniability.

SO I see four scenarios:

• Accidental death by bicycle. Night riding on the C&O. Feet in shoes that are firmly locked into pedals. Cellphone in a ziplock bag. MayMyRide activated. Ride into the Map4 trailhead, make a wrong turn, go into the water upstream of the dam. Maybe a few drugs in the bloodstream. I think this achieves believability as an accident. You'd be retrieved by river rescue folks, in the normal course of business.
• Death by hanging. You'd want to hang from a height, in case the rope breaks. Maybe the 40th Street Bridge.
  • Now, some poor human is going to find you. You could call 911 just before you jump. You could rent a HealthyBike and lock it up on the bridge, this has some ironic appeal to me.
  • Avoiding injury to third parties; you could attach a steel cable and a walk-along to your feet. Make it easy for that old paramedic working the mid to get your body without hurting their back. Clearly a pre-planned activity.
• Hiding in Plain Sight. When there's a pandemic, hide in the middle of it. Shoot up enough heroin and fentanyl to ensure the result. There is uncertainty, what with the proliferation of antidotes among first responders and the uncertain quality of street-purchased chemicals. You could end up drooling oatmeal on your hospital gown.
• Exposure. Go camping in February. Leave the cell phone on. Take some, not too many, drugs. The animals may find you before the rangers, which is OK in terms of ambiguity.

Myself, I think the accidental death at Dam Four seems most pragmatic; likely to succeed, minimized effect on first responders and survivors.