Atypical Transgender Late Bloomer

I thought the new Matrix Resurrections was excellent. Highly recommended. And it certainly delivers as a trans allegory . It took somebody pointing it out to me, but when The Suit (new-Smith) keeps referring to Tom, he's dead-naming Neo. And Neo, who's been wearing pants the whole movie, ends up wearing a cassock-dress and in a supportive role. Neo and Trinity are willing to commit suicide to avoid being forced into a box that's not their desire. There is an awful lot of suicide in the movie, and in the series (going back to The Kid in the Animatrix). It's not a subtle thing - weaponizing people to jump out of buildings to maintain the economy's progress. I did appreciate that Smith's last line ('know what the difference is between us?') pays homage to the last line in Bound. It's not a perfect movie. So what. It is a great movie. The pitch room scenes took too much time and overworked the banality. The fight scenes took too long and ofte...

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I live in two places, mainly. There's a BigCity and a SmallTown. Occassionally, I'm at a sibling's house. The last two years I've been bouncing around. Usually, gripes about multiple places to rest your head are focused on the management of privilege; the beach house, the country house, the Euro villa. During COVID, it seems like every NY'er had Another Place. I usually travel with three bags, shown above. The left bag is meds, which for me is a significant amount of stuff. The second bag is briefcase: laptops, power cords, a few books. The right bag, the duffel bag, is everything else: clothes, underwear, a sweater, maybe a change of footwear. A ditty bag, a cosmetic kit. When I can expect to be in a place for a while, like: possibly a month!, I have other bags for personas. There's Cyclist Me, which involves helmets and tools, clothes, and other gear. There's Camping Me, which involves five smaller bags (panniers) with Food/Fire, Tools,...

In my ongoing puzzle about Who I Am (TM), I've started micro-dosing hormones in the M2F direction. I went to Planned Parenthood, which administers gender hormones under a different paradigm - if you're informed and understand what you're about, if you're seeing a therapist, you can self-qualify for a Prescription. It was an impressive briefing, questioning, confirming session. At the end, they were convinced of me, I was certain myself, and I left with two prescriptions - an estrogen patch, and a testosterone blocker in pill format. Because of supply issues at the pharmacy, I got the Estrogen patch immediately and started it that day. I didn't start the T-blocker for eight days. I like the effect of the Estrogen; it's subtle and I feel more in touch with my feelings. Crying comes easier, which is to say that it appears sometimes rather than never. The T-blocker was spiro, and I had an adverse reaction to it. I have dysautonomia and the T-blocker pus...

I began HRT (hormone replacement therapy) today, Aug 5 2021, with the good folks at Planned Parenthood. They were excellent. Rather than saying: you have to present as a woman for a year, you have to have letters from two psychotherapists, etc, (which is a gender gatekeeping function), you have to have a note from your spouse... the folks at Planned Parenthood use a different paradigm: informed consent . In informed consent, you make an appointment, you see a clinician qualified to evaluate and treat you, and you tell them your story. They make sure you understand what you're asking for: what is and what is not reversible, possible side effects, risk factors for other bad outcomes. And if you're grounded in the facts and demonstrate that you've done your homework, you're going to leave that office visit with prescriptions in hand. It was not an exercise in pencil-whipping: they were thorough and I was convinced that if I wasn't sure of what I was ...

Still, I cannot think of (woman) without a feeling of reverence that amounts to worship, and that which I worship in her I would also worship in man if he had not banished it from his life. — Eugene V. Debs (@DebsEbooks) April 13, 2021

I have, recently, been observing what makes a figure feminine or masculine, or androgynous. Sometimes it's big shoulders, bug muscles, small hips for masculine; sometimes it's an hourglas figure or birthing hips for feminine. But often those norms aren't evident, but we still classify the person into the binary based on a million clues and that's interesting to me. I've just seen an advertisement for a TV show, Chad, a coming-of-age / awkward teen / cringe comedy about fitting it as an outsider. The advertisement shows a full-body image of a teenager, wrapped in a bulky jacket, shoulders emphasized with backpack straps - a teenage boy at a quick look. Something was off and on zooming in, it did not look like a young boy's face. The lead actor, Chad, is played by 39-year-old actress Nasim Pedrad. ( story , wiki ) Pedrad, who has chops as a Saturday Night Live alumni, developed the character and show herself. I wonder: the name Chad, which in media is oft...