Atypical Trans Late Bloomer

BiSexuality is a curious topic that people have Feelings about. I was recently pleased to read Dee's three posts: I Am Bisexual , Bisexuality: Six Experiences , and The Bisexual Experience . I'm really impressed at her communication skills and the breadth of her writing. I think she represents the cohort, the community, well. I had a discussion with a very good friend who was perplexed at a bisexual's ' fluidity ', the ease with which they switch from heterosexual to homosexual and back again. I thought, here's an opportunity to step up and R epresent. I'm not an evangelist, not a recruiter, just another person with a slice of my own experience and some understanding of the community. I suggested that a BiSexual was NOT a person who was homosexual for a while, and then later heterosexual for a while, in some repeated sequence. I said, homo's and hetero's are both monosexuals , and bisexuality isn't being Mono. Bisexuality is more of: n...

To be Seen, or not to be Seen, that is the question. I think this may be a better line than Shakespeare's original. I was Seen, Recognized, and Spoke with a Bisexual Man. He was working in a business I visited. He saw my earrings, approached, and complimented me. He said, " I'm a bi man also, I don't meet many others ". This meant the world to me. I almost doubted my hearing but I was sure that's what he'd said. It was very nice. It was exciting. This was not a pickup or a flirt, just a recognition between two people with a common orientation. It was glorious.

Most people have seen the meme of a doggie drinking coffee in a cafe, asserting "This is fine" while the place burns all around them. So often I am that dog. Today I realized (again), I am not fine. I've been through a comfortable and non-agitated few months and things have been better for me, overall. I've had fun and I've felt joy which is no small matter. Today I realized: I am moving, I am moving forward, and: I'm not sure where I'm going, but I'm making better time. I realized today that not only has my life been performative, but my heterosexuality has been performative. It's not a new phrase, but it's the first time I've said it about me. I am making change. I like the changes I'm making. I'm a little nervous about it. I still have my depression. I'm still anxious. I'm presenting the "I am better" face to the world. Maybe it's the first time I've realized I've been performing in man...

October, it seems, is a month of 'special' days. October 11 is designated as National Coming Out Day . As in, coming out of the closet - it's not National Night Out, although that might be an interesting crossover. LGBTQ people who are keeping their sexualities and/or identities close to the vest, not presenting their core selves to the public, colleagues, friends, families, churches, teachers are said to be in the closet. And when you look at that list of groups, can you blame them? Can you blame them in an environment where you can be fired for being yourself, and when you get fired you lose your health insurance? Can you blame them when you can be evicted for having a lover from the 'disapproved' menu? Who put these people in charge of our lives? Quite often, being in the closet is all a person can do to survive. 'Discretion is the better part of valor', n'at . And yet many people find it within them to come out of ...

So today, Oct.10, is World Mental Halth Day. (Curiously juxtaposed with National Coming Out Day tomorrow). My last 8? years are a tale of mental health. The previous 50+ years were an exercise in denying mental health. The Mental Health system in America is nigh non-existant. It's certainly a misnomer to call it a 'system'. There is no integration. There are a variety of caring therapeutic professionals trying to help people. Recent legislation makes mental health treatment the same as physical health treatment; I fear the Republicans will try to take that away in their depravity. (sorry. not sorry) At the height of my problems, at the nadir of my experience, I was seeing four professionals for 4 or 5 hours each week. They were all great and they were all compatible with me. I am forever greatful for their efforts. There's no way a full-time employee or a single parent could participate in that sort of activity. If America is really "Life, liberty, and th...

Big things happened today: I got a place of my own. I haven't had a place of my own for about two years. I've been in friend's and family's spare beds, I've spent months in tents, I've spent months in empty houses while snowbirds were away. I never had an address during those times except for General Delivery, a little-used legacy service that was quite important to me. But now I have a mailing address, and a door that locks, and keys to the door. It's kind of a big deal, especially at my age. It might just be a very expensive storage unit, as a friend said. Previously my possessions were stashed in plastic boxes in friends' houses, basements, offices; it's going to be a pleasure to put it all in one place. I think this is going to be very good for my mental health.