Trans Origin Stories & Unspeakable Thoughts

Gender is political. Look at the national politics on transgender people. Even within the Trans community, there are political factions, and there are some opinions/ beliefs that are anathema, they are blasphemy, it is an unspeakable sin to express these ideas.

One mandatory truth is: I/we have always been a woman (man). Nobody likes to hear anybody say, I chose to become a woman (man). Doesn't matter the reason why, the Trans community is intolerant of any other story. Because the "i have always been" story works so well. Even inarticulate people can deliver and defend it.

Baby, I was born this way.

I don't believe I've always been a woman. I certainly fetished my mother's clothing. I only pursued the boy identity when told to. But I was also a beaten, raped little boy,

I recently read this post, by a young trans woman.

After talking with a lot of people over the years and finding disturbingly similar commonalities, I believe there are subsets of trans women. And one of these subsets are so unique in that they're not women, they're just abused boys who are so utterly stuck in the same mental place they were when they experienced their first ego death. Suffering from extreme, trauma-based Peter Pan syndrome.

A lot of them had unpleasant upbringings and associate the abuse they suffered as a positive thing, because they felt cared about. And they desperately seek to have that feeling again, but they never can, they transition because they can't bear the thought of growing up, no longer being a child, no longer being cared about.

Most of the time these feeling are actually just subconscious and they may convince themselves or be highly vocal about how they ARE in fact a woman, because they can't bear thinking about the truth, as it would invalidate and destroy their entire existence as a woman, but deep down, in the furthest recesses of their psyche, they know that they're just a suffering child, who is no longer young and has been cast aside, so they try to feminise their body, make it appealing in whatever way they can because they need to feel cared about, and view their childhood abuse as a period when they were truly desired and cared for.

So, after children, who do we consider to be the most vulnerable members of society? Who we almost infantilise and have a desire to protect and keep safe? Women.

These damaged little angels are just as valid as every other subset of trans women. All trans people are valid, whatever the reason for their transition. But I feel that too many people are unwilling to delve deeper into their minds and understand why they became the people they are, as they fear it will invalidate their existence. It's always easier to just say "I'm a woman because I have always been a woman".

the writer was widely condemned online and withdrew their thoughts. I am grateful that they sent me the text.

This rings true with me. I think I became the person I am, the person I am still struggling to become, because of evil things that were repeatedly done to me over a period of years.

I want to believe I'm a creature with free will, but I think my lot was cast early and in spite of my delusions of self-control, I think I'm still acting out forces set in motion when I was nine years old.

I don't know if I'm racing to embrace the feminine or racing to escape the masculine. I recall that the sin of Sodom was a masculine rape culture. I think I am a suffering, arrested, defenseless little child.

I knew estrogen makes me calmer, happier, less fight-or-flight. I wish I could get more of it. I am taking drugs to change my body and to a certain extent, my mind. I like wearing the clothes. Until the government outlaws me, and then I will face hard decisions.